The audience is insatiable tonight, screaming for more, chanting our names. A part of me wanted to keep playing, keep feeling the high, but a bigger part want to hurry up and finish so I can go home, crawl into bed and stay there. For a week, a month, a year. I’m not suicidal, I’m just tired. It’s been ten months since Sienna walked out of my house and my life, and the last eight months of that has been spent on the road. I can’t tell you all the places we’ve played but as usual we’ve finished up back home, this time to soldRead More →

I wish I could tell you that things were okay after the night I took Sienna home. I wish I could tell you that she forgave me, and loved me again. Well I could tell you that, but I’d be lying. The truth is, she woke up mad and embarrassed and couldn’t get away from me quick enough. The woman who’d loved me so sweetly, so passionately the night before was gone. All of the secrets we’d shared about how much we’d missed each other, hung like faded stars in a midnight sky. Barely visible, easily ignored. I watched her pull on her clothes, sawRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge  as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies.) A cover of the old Tom Petty hit ‘Free Fallin” is playing on the radio and it’s all too relevant and meaningful … And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows And the good girls go home with broken hearts And I’m free, free fallin’ fallin’ And I’m free, free fallin’ fallin’ I switched it off before he got to the part where he kills himself because that’s just depressing. I had gone to a dark place when Sienna wouldn’t take my calls, but never thatRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge  as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies.) I sat alone as usual, my mind a wasteland, scorched by the memory of the heat of our passion, nothing remained. I was searching for the words I needed, the paper before me blank and mocking. The day before, I’d been full of hope, sure I could win her back. While I’d slept our encounter had replayed through my dreams, her voice telling me, “too little too late,” and “you threw us away”, the look on her face after she’d slapped me. I woke in a cold sweatRead More →

We sat at my kitchen table with coffee instead of ice cream, an awkward silence stretching between us. I cleared my throat and she looked up from the cup. “You could have eaten it. The ice cream.” “Oh.” She shook her head, her eyes caught on mine for an instant then she was looking down again as a flush rose on her cheeks. “No, I couldn’t. It’s your favourite.” It was, because we’d shared a carton one hot night. We’d only been dating a couple of weeks and Sienna hadn’t been at the show that night but I’d sent her a good night text afterwards.Read More →

I sat staring at the blank sheet of paper, clinging to hope. My cell phone beside me told me it had been four hours since she’d gotten my last letter, plenty of time for her to read it and decide to text or call me. But the thing stayed silent. I was going to have to do it, going to have to write a sixth letter. Was that my lucky number? Not really but maybe I could change my mind on that and she’d respond to this one. But what could I say to convince her that I hadn’t already said? Maybe I could writeRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies) I played the last note and she looked at me with that smile. “Play it again,” she insisted. “Maybe later,” I answered as I set my guitar down. I had more important things to do with my hands, my mouth. She sat on my bed wearing my tshirt and I needed her kiss more than I needed the air that I breathed. “We have a problem baby,” I said as I stood looking down at her with a stern frown. “We do?” She gazed up at me, aRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies and a daily prompt!) Sienna, Letter four? Really? You’re playing hard ball baby! I don’t mind I’m happy to jump through any hoops you need me to, do anything to prove to you I’m sorry, I was wrong, I was an idiot … anything if you’ll just give me another chance, anything to get you to have second thoughts about us. Hope you enjoyed the massage, maybe next time I can deliver one in person. Got to be honest, just had that little text exchange with you andRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies and a daily prompt!) I read Sienna’s messages again, looking for what? There was no hidden meaning, no subterfuge. Just her words, her truth. She’d ‘moved on’? Well hoo-fucking-ray for her. What did that even mean? Moved on to what? Or maybe to who? I didn’t want to even entertain that thought, found the very notion of her with someone else irritating, annoying, fucking irksome. I prowled around my house restlessly, fighting the urge to go see her. My demons were riding me hard today, whispering doubts andRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies and a daily prompt!) The buzzer sounded at 10am just as it had the previous two days. Nick was persistent, his notes sincere, his gifts thoughtful. I had to admit, if only to myself, that I was looking forward to seeing what he’d sent today. I pushed the intercom. “Yeah?” “Delivery for Sienna Parker,” a male voice answered. “Come right up,” I said as I hit the release buzzer. I opened the door to wait and then watched in confusion as a man dressed in khakis and aRead More →

So Baby, Here we are with letter number three. Third time is the charm right? I sure hope so, otherwise I’m going to start feeling like a stalker. I actually don’t know what to say … I was so sure you would have called by now, even if just to tell me to stop. Then I thought once I had you on the phone I’d talk you into seeing me. I remember how much you used to like my voice and I was ready to use it. You called it a weapon once, I wonder if you meant that or were jut blowing smoke, practisingRead More →

  (in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies and a daily prompt!) Sienna, So here I am writing another letter. I know you got the first one but the courier told me they could only guarantee delivery, they didn’t know if you’d read it. At least I know the ice cream made it to you safely (I’m hoping you’re saving the pecan praline for me, you know, for when you let me come round again). Since you haven’t called or sent a pigeon, I’m going to try to explain a little bit here, no needRead More →

(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies) and a Daily Prompt too! Sienna, I know it’s no excuse but I was an idiot. No I am an idiot. I told myself you were better off without me, acted like I was making a grand sacrifice by letting you go. I honestly had no idea what happened after … after I was an idiot. I didn’t know about the magazines or what happened to you. I do now and I can’t apologise enough. I know I’ll never make it up to you. If there’s anything youRead More →

Denver was true to his word, he didn’t stay long … He stared into my eyes and said, “I’m so sorry Sinna, we didn’t know.” “Didn’t know Nick was a jerk? Yeah, surprised us too,” Teal snapped before I could respond. “Yeah, good one Blue,” he snapped back, his eyes still on me. “We didn’t know about the tabloids,” he said more gently. “You what?” I frowned at him. “About the stories they printed … about you being …” he trailed off and looked down, releasing me from his dark gaze. “A sex addict?” I was amazed by how calm my voice was. “Yeah, that,”Read More →

  The day after Nick showed up at my door all I wanted to do was sleep because at least then I wouldn’t be thinking about him. I wouldn’t have to face the truth that I’d lied to myself all these months. I wasn’t over him, and worst of all, I still loved him. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. Standing there with that cautious smile, the one that showed up when he was unsure about something. And why the hell did I remember that, why did I have to know him so well. Where was the cocky arrogant rock starRead More →

The pounding on my front door was accentuated by the chiming of my cell phone signalling a new message. Denver: open up fucker! Charming, but it did the trick. I threw the door open with a welcoming snarl then stomped back to bed. Of course he followed me, along with Jase who was carrying a brown paper bag and Matt who at least had the decency to bring coffee. “What the fuck Nick? I thought we were having breakfast to celebrate out first day off in  … too fucking long?” Denver shoved my shoulder then threw himself onto my bed. I had my head underRead More →

“Talk to you next week,” I said with a smile then closed the skype window, my boss’s face disappearing. I liked a lot of things about my job but 2am meetings wasn’t one of them. Thankfully, Jerry would be in the same time zone as me next week so we could talk at a normal time. I stood up and stretched then had my usual staring match with the freezer. I really didn’t need icecream at this time of the night but I was wide awake and hungry and I always lost the battle. A minute later I was staring at the empty carton isRead More →

I usually enjoyed driving after a show. The roads were quiet, I was burnt out, drained, done for. Ready to sleep without thinking, hopefully without dreaming. Usually. But tonight, the woman in the passenger seat wouldn’t shut up so there went the quiet. We were back in my home town for the first time in nearly a year so though I should be tired, I wasn’t. The show had been great, everyone loved us. I’d played my ass off, made the security team earn their money by going into the audience a couple of times too. It was our home town, they deserved something special,Read More →

I remember the moments with painful clarity. They replay when I close my eyes, a highlight reel that I don’t want to see any more. scene A crowded bar, a woman, short black hair, grey eyes, dressed in blue jeans and a fitted pink tshirt is standing with her elbows on the bar, trying to get the bar tender’s attention. A man, blonde hair, blue eyes, dressed in jeans a black shirt moves to stand beside her. He casually rests one arm on the bar and says, “You know if you wore a shorter skirt and a tighter top you’d get better service.” The womanRead More →

Sienna, I owe you so much. So many apologies to start … like for tonight. For not calling when I said I would. Thing is, I couldn’t bring myself to call you at 3am because I’m not sure how I would have said goodbye. Yeah 3am. I know I said after the show but we had some VIP thing with some people from the label. Sort of a command performance. I should have sent you a message but I kept thinking I’d leave any minute now and call you. Believe me baby, I’d rather spend hours talking to you than in the company of others,Read More →

I waited until I got into my car to check my phone. My boss was a stickler about using them at work but I also preferred to read my messages alone. I knew I smiled like a lovesick fool when I read his messages and I didn’t like dodging the ‘what are you smiling at’ questions. None of my co-workers knew about Nick and I wanted to keep it that way since I had no desire to be the subject of their gossip. As it was, there was already division over Nick’s band Lustful Gaze, apparently you either loved them or hated them. Many ofRead More →

Hey sweet girl, I miss you so much. Can’t believe we keep missing each other. Can’t believe we haven’t spoken for a week! I’ve listened to the last message you left me so many times … feeling a bit pathetic really but I love the sound of your voice. Things here are just crazy busy. Between shows there’s always PR to do or a party to go to. Or not go to in my case. The boys are loving it, wall to wall girls. They think I’m crazy for skipping it all and they’re right, I’m crazy about you. I don’t need millions of women,Read More →

They finished with a clash of sound, the band yelling their thanks then running off stage. I stood alone in the crowd, feeling at once triumphant because the show had been just that damn good, and sad, because it was the last one I would see for a while. Real life was intruding, summer was over, and I had to go back to school. There were a dozen of so 8 year olds who needed me to help them ‘be all they could be’ to paraphrase the school’s motto. The band I had watched casually for months, then not so casually for the last fewRead More →

I hate this moment. I love this moment. Fuuuck! That’s a massive crowd. Where is she? I took a breath, rolled my shoulders and stepped to the edge of the stage. The lights that formed a border between us and them were blinding, I couldn’t see her. Okay, focus on the equipment. Where’s the fucking lead … there you are fucker. I wish she was here right now. What did she tell me to do? Meditate right? Breath deep, seek peace. Fuck. Breathing. Not helping. The boys are on stage already, waiting for me to walk out there. Time to do it. I’d have toRead More →

  “Oh my god there he is!” I heard some random in the crowd behind me say a moment before the screaming and cheering almost drowned out the intro music. At the edge of the stage, a spotlight hovered, lighting him up as he kept his head down, fiddling with a cord. He would be breathing deeply right about now, working on calming down. We’d tried meditating before he went on stage but as soon as that spotlight hit he was back on edge. “Come on baby,” I murmured to myself as I watched his shoulders lift a couple of times, more deep breathing. “NearlyRead More →