(in response to the November Notes Writing Challenge as hosted by A Reading Writer and Heartstring Eulogies) and a Daily Prompt too!
I know it’s no excuse but I was an idiot. No I am an idiot. I told myself you were better off without me, acted like I was making a grand sacrifice by letting you go. I honestly had no idea what happened after … after I was an idiot.
I didn’t know about the magazines or what happened to you. I do now and I can’t apologise enough. I know I’ll never make it up to you. If there’s anything you need from me, anything you want me to do … say … anything. Name it, it’s yours.
I want to explain the why and the how but I don’t even know if you’ll read this. I had to try though. I didn’t think you’d appreciate me coming by again so here I am, writing you a letter. I’m going to write another one tomorrow and the day after and the day after. As many as it takes for you to know I’m sincere.
I don’t expect you to forgive me, or want to talk to me. Hell, I can’t believe how calm you were the other night. If you could just let me know that you’ve seen my words, that maybe, just maybe you believe me? I know it sounds ridiculous, how could I not know? Let me explain?
When we were together, words can’t describe how good it was. Actually one word does. Paradise. Every moment with you was sublime, every moment that you were gone I spent waiting for you to come back. Don’t you see baby? That’s why I let you go. I didn’t want to be a burden to you, a man who needed you too much. Too late I realised that I could never need you too much, that wanting you, needing you, made me stronger. I always wanted to be better than I was, more than I was, for you.
Now? I’m on the other side of paradise. Like a kid with his nose pressed to the window of the candy store. You’re everything I want, in sight but out of reach. You’re my paradise and I’m locked out, I locked myself out.
I’m rambling, I know it. It’s because, on the off chance you’re reading this, I don’t want to lose the connection. Remember when we used to talk on the phone those nights we weren’t together? We never said goodbye, just goodnight, and I listened to you breathing.
Still Always yours,
P.S. Don’t eat all the icecream at once! ♥♥♥
P.P.S. Please call, text, send a pigeon?