Sorrow

Sorrow

Discover Challenge: The Things We Leave Behind

Dream big or go home. Or is it go hard or go home? Whatever it is, I took it to heart and I went. Far away from home, leaving it all behind. Friends, family, work. Roughly 3400 kms or 2100 miles. People do it all the time, spread their wings and fly, pack their bags and run. At the time it seemed like an easy choice to make, a Big Adventure. And it was. I met people, I saw places, did things that I would never have done if I’d stayed nestled in the heart of my over protective family.

I wouldn’t be who I am now if I had stayed home, that’s a hard truth to face sometimes. Harder are the things you miss, the people, the events, those things we left behind. Weddings and funerals spring to mind for me but more so the funerals. Both heartbreaking to miss in their own way, the joys and the sorrows, the joy in the sorrow. The knowledge that there’s a person that was part of your life, had a place in your heart is gone and you never got to say goodbye. The lost conversations, the meals we never shared, they all weigh heavy in my heart.

Of all the things I left behind, I miss the relationships the most. As much as they have endured the separation they are not what they would have been had I stayed. But I didn’t, I left them behind, left us behind. Now it’s time to leave the sorrow and guilt behind. Or at least pretend to.

3 Comments


  1. Nawww!!! I liked this! I had to hold my tears back as I could do nothing but relate to your travels, story, and unpleasant emotions experienced for choosing to open the doors that you did and then the guilt, shame, and self-blame for not having chosen a different door!! Loss in death or some other way and the pain and regret seems so irreversible and irreparable, but I like to believe and entertain hope that somehow we can turn this around and “re-write” our pain so that it is something we suffered from; so that it will one day become a past and temporary emotion. We need to learn to love ourselves again, forgive ourselves, try to ‘forgive’ family or friends and never let what we cannot change take up too much room in our minds and lives. Not too much room in our conscious-eating away at our sub-conscious.
    And somehow we can try and remember loved & lost souls so that we will likely see them again, and that they will ALWAYS know the love etc you shared and NOTHING can destroy that! EWRITE OUR TRAGIC PASTS AND TRAGIC MEMORIES SO THAT SOMETHING GOOD WAS BORN FROM LEARNING THAT AS LONG AS WE MAINTAIN LOVE IN EVERY ASPECT, YOU WILL REMEMBER THE GOOD, FORGIVE, & MOVE TOWARDS THE LIGHT!

    We MUST; for ourselves!
    I have felt inspired and enlightened by buddhism beliefs and I enjoy reading Dalai Llama quotes! This is what I began reading each time I felt down.
    Hope you don’t COMPLETEY leave your sorrow and guilt behind <3

    1. Author

      I nearly cry reading this every time too, honesty can be so painful! There’s a balance to living with sorrow and guilt, I try to get over the guilt but I cherish the sorrow, the reminder of what I’ve missed. Because along side that is what I have now and I wouldn’t change that for the world. It’s a tricky thing, change something back then and would I be here now? It’s not a risk I want to take.

      Glad you are finding peace and enlightenment through spiritualism, my chldren’s laughter take me there.

Leave a Reply